The Chronicles

Swing Game: Bulls/Heat Game 2 Preview

 After an improbable victory in game one, the Chicago Bulls have the juggernaut Miami Heat on the ropes and game two has become extremely important for the defending champs. The Bulls started this series being able to play with house money, they could have gotten swept and it wouldn’t have been a surprise. But now that they’ve taken game one, the pressure has really started to mount on Lebron and Co.

 

This game is going to be the game that swings the series in one direction or another. The resolve and heart of the Heat will be on full display and I think we’ll know what kind of team we’re dealing with after tonight. Lebron James has a history of quitting in a playoff series, but he also has a history of dominating the game after a loss in a playoff series. If this Heat team is truly among the greats like they’ve looked all season, they need to blow the Bulls out tonight. Lebron needs to have one of his MVP-caliber games and the Heat need to mop the floor with the up-start Bulls. If they don’t then this becomes a very intriguing and winnable series for the Bulls.

The Heat have been down 0-1 in five of their last six playoff series so this isn’t uncharted territory. The last time the Bulls and Heat met in the playoffs, the Bulls decisively won game one, and the next four games were all Heat victories making the game one victory seem like much ado about nothing. We could be heading for a very similar scenario this year; history would seem to support that. However, if the Heat come out sluggish again, they will continue to breathe life into this Bulls team that should be dead by all conventional wisdom.

So what do the Heat need to do to win? It starts and ends with Lebron. He has to get out of his own head and start quick. If he sets the tone with a dominant first quarter, I don’t think the Bulls can get off the mat and the Heat will cruise. But another slow start from The King and the Bulls will smell blood in the water. Also, they need Chris Bosh, badly. Dwayne Wade is clearly hurt and can only be effective in small doses. They need Bosh to become that second option alongside Lebron. They also need Ray Allen. They don’t need Boston Ray Allen, they just need him to be the outside threat they brought him in to be, but more importantly they need him to be a competent defender. The Bulls saw that Allen couldn’t stay with any of their guards on Monday night and that was a matchup they exploited all night. Unless Allen can play defense against Nate Robinson and Marco Belinelli, he can’t be on the floor in crunch time, taking away what is Allen’s greatest strength, crunch time scoring.

What about the Bulls? What do they need to do to win? Stay the course. They’re in the Heat’s collective head, and they’re certainly in Lebron’s head. Hang around, play defense, and maintain the intensity and confidence that they’ve exhibited against the Heat all year. They don’t even necessarily need to win tonight. They’ve already taken home court advantage away from the champs, if they can play them tough again, the Bulls will return home as a serious threat to challenge the Heat’s dream season.

Tonight is all about the Heat. We’ll have a much clearer picture of how this series is going to play out after the horn sounds tonight. A Heat blowout will make game one look like a blip on the radar screen as the Heat go back on cruise control towards their inevitable title. But if this game is another hard fought struggle for the Heat, the doubt will continue to creep into their mind and the Bulls might actually have a chance to pull a monumental upset. By about 10 o’clock tonight, we’ll know if Lebron is headed for ring #2 or if the unbelievable Bulls can topple the champs.

The Best of the Bulls

Derrick Rose. That’s the only time I’m going to use that name in this column. His season is over, despite what he says and it has been for months. I’m sick of the circus and I think everyone else is too. When he plays a basketball game I’ll talk about him, until then it’s unfair to this amazing Bulls team and the run they’re putting together. They just beat the full-strength Nets despite injuries, vomiting and spinal taps. I’ll talk about the former MVP next season, but for now it’s all about the Heat series and this unlikely year from a group of hard-nosed professionals.

The Heat didn’t want to see the Bulls this round. The Bulls play the Heat better than any other team in basketball, and you can bet that the Heat were cheering like crazy for the Nets. With that said, I don’t think there is any way that the Bulls beat the Heat in this series. It’s a combination of the injuries and illnesses decimating the Bulls and the fact that the Heat are one of the best basketball teams in NBA history, the only thing that can stop Lebron from hoisting another Larry O’Brien trophy is an asteroid.

I’m going to root like hell for the Bulls, but I just don’t see any scenario in which they advance but that’s OK. It’s more about the season that this team has already put together. Joakim Noah has arrived as the anti-Dwight Howard. He plays injured, plays like a maniac and does all the dirty work needed to win games. When Howard was in Orlando the argument of “who is the best center in the East” was silly because the answer was obviously Howard. But two years later, if you’re building a team, who do you want as your center? A proven winner, willing to play hurt because that’s his job, or a guy who has proven to be none of the above? I’m not so sure it’s clean cut anymore.

Nate. What is there to say about Nate Robinson? His performance in the triple overtime game against the Nets was one of the best in Bulls’ history. His heart has never been a question, and he cemented himself as one of my favorite basketball players ever on Monday night when he was vomiting into a trash can on the sideline, then checking back into the game to run the offense. You can literally see how much Nate Robinson loves playing basketball, sure, he’s obnoxious at times and when he’s missing shots, he’s the most frustrating player on the floor. But I’ll take an overzealous competitor over some apathetic loaf any day of the week.

Kirk Hinrich has been the glue that has held this team together, he plays great defense and has quietly been the guy that has made this team go all year. The Bulls record between when he plays and when he doesn’t is pretty staggering. He understands the game better than almost anyone not named Tom Thibodeau. Oh yeah, speaking of that guy. Bill Simmons (the best basketball writer in the country) wrote an article the other day and said the four best coaches in basketball were Rick Carlisle, Greg Popovich, Erik Spoelstra and Doc Rivers. No mention of Thibs. Unbelievable. Tom Thibodeau has taken a roster full of banged up guys and retreads and has guided them to a second round appearance against a legendary team. If Thibodeau were coaching the Heat this year they would have won 75 games and I don’t think that’s an exaggeration.

Every guy on this team has done their part and they’ve done it with a huge cloud hanging over their head all season. So the fact that the current conversation revolves more around #1 than the rest of this team is almost insulting. This team isn’t going to win an NBA championship and the odds of them beating the Heat are miniscule. But I’m not sure that’s the point; this team deserves to be praised for the season they put together despite all the obstacles thrown in their way. It’s everything that is great about sports. In a culture infested with overpaid, whiny, millionaires, it’s extremely refreshing to see professionals going out and playing the game like they love it. So this season may very well end in four games versus Miami, but I appreciate the hell out of this team. It’s been a pleasure.

See Red,

Tim

The Revolution on Ice

The first sport I ever tried to play was hockey. The Mighty Ducks movies were my favorite thing on the planet, I loved to shoot at my garage pretending I was Charlie Conway or Adam Banks scoring a game winner to beat Iceland. I took skating lessons for about two months, realized I wasn’t any good, so naturally I quit (because who wants to work hard at something to get better? Gosh, I’m just an impressive guy.) I gravitated towards sports that I could play while staying on my own two feet. As baseball and basketball became more prominent in my life, hockey took a backseat and eventually faded away completely.

 

It’s tough to like a sport when you don’t really understand it or when it’s ownership doesn’t seem that concerned with the feelings of the general fanbase, hockey suffered through its darkest period with their completely cancelled season and tie after tie. (Sidebar: You can’t commit to a sport as a fan, in which you can tie, you just can’t do it. That’s why soccer gets so much crap, how do you justify passionately cheering along with a game when there is a distinct possibility that your team will not win or lose? You can’t. A tie is a complete middle finger to anyone who cares about the sport. The point of any sport is to win. YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME. If tying is an option, your sport is shit. Sorry, it’s true. Oh and don’t talk to me about ties in football, a tie in football happens about once every presidential term, it is not an issue.)

Ok we’re back. It wasn’t hard to ignore professional hockey. Then 2010 happened, rule changes made the sport more fan friendly, more to the point, the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks happened. A mix of tough, veteran, blue-collar guys and ridiculously talented kids brought hockey back to the city of Chicago. The diehards will argue that it never left, but for casual fans like myself, it definitely went away. It was more fun to mock hockey than actually watch and appreciate the poetry-in-motion style beauty of the sport.

It’s easy to like a sports team when they’re good, obviously. It’s more fun to watch a team when they win, which is why I kind of hate the idea of “bandwagon” fans and how they get a bad rap. Don’t get me wrong; people that claim to be huge fans when a team makes a great run and then disappear when the going gets tough are the worst. I’m extremely excited to watch the wheels fall off the Miami Heat bandwagon once Dwayne Wade gets hurt and Lebron James gets caught soliciting a male prostitute (you think I’m going to write a sports piece and not take a shot at Lebron? Get real.) They aren’t fans so much as tourists, taking pictures and going along for the ride until something better comes along. In 2010, I was probably considered a “bandwagon” fan in the most straightforward meaning of the term, but that season was about more than watching a team I share a city with make a run. It was about my first exposure to hockey and how excellent of a sport it is, 2010 made me a hockey fan for the first time since Fulton Reed and Dean Portman were banging bodies with Gunnar Staal and Iceland (I really, really, really love those movies, can you tell?)

Hockey has gotten a lot of negative press because of their labor situation over the last decade. Commissioner Gary Bettman has gotten a ton of well-deserved heat for almost destroying another hockey season this year, cementing himself as one of the, if not the worst commissioner in the history of American sports, although Roger Goodell seems dead set on dethroning him. The NHL managed to swing an 11^th hour deal to save this year’s season, saving it from another lost season which would have been a death blow that the sport probably wouldn’t have been able to recover from. And again, there were those Blackhawks. By starting 2013 on an absolute tear through the NHL, the Blackhawks brought fans back. But this is less about the Blackhawks, and more about the sport in general. As the sports landscape becomes more and more crowded with whiny millionaires who have forgotten that they are being paid a king’s ransom to play a child’s game, hockey has become much more relevant as an American sport.

It’s much easier to cheer for tough, unselfish hockey players than it is to cheer for Dwight Howard while he mails in another performance and works behind the scenes to orchestrate another move because he’s not happy (wahhh poor you Dwight, you’re a millionaire, living in Los Angeles, playing for one of the county’s signature sports teams, you’ve really got it tough.) Hockey players are a unique breed in almost every single way that they handle their business on a night-to-night basis. Not that other athletes don’t care about their teammates, they do, they go to war with each other every night, but it’s not never more obvious than it is in hockey. If Patrick Kane takes a cheap hit, you can bet your sweet ass that Brandon Bollig, Andrew Shaw or Daniel Carcillo will literally shed blood for him. There’s a love and a respect that hockey players have for one another that is unlike anything else in sports. Even when two guys on opposing teams drop their gloves and go at each other, they do their dance, take their penalty and then go about their business afterwards. A unique breed.

But here’s the best thing that hockey has going for it… these guys are GREAT athletes. The grace and nuance that these guys play with is unparalleled, hockey players have a skill set that is unmatched by any other sport on the planet. Passing windows are microscopic, timing has to be impeccable, and aim has to be laser-like, otherwise, you can’t be a hockey player. It’s that simple. And oh yeah, they have to do all that while balancing on ice, because where’s the fun in just playing in shoes?

Finally, hockey is so unbelievably fun to watch that every stoppage of play leaves you salivating for more. The pace is so frenetic that you can’t look away. There’s no reason to. In an era of four nut scratches between pitches, and TV timeouts every four minutes, hockey stands alone as a spectator sport; it’s simply untouchable from a fan’s standpoint. Something is ALWAYS happening. Always. You can’t look away, because if you do, you’ll miss something. High definition television has been a godsend and is probably factor number one in hockey’s current renaissance. There’s something to be said about being able to see every flake of snow that Brent Seabrook sprays on the opposing goalie. Watching a hockey game is a fantastic way to spend a few hours, and that is the trump card that the sport holds over every other form of athletic contest, and most entertainment in general.

Hockey is back, it may be destined to be a niche sport, but it’s a wonderful niche to find oneself in. The Blackhawks may have made the sport relevant again, at least from my perspective as a fan, and probably many others but the overall product is what creates its staying power. So hockey, I apologize for mocking you, I apologize for taking this long to realize what an amazing experience a hockey game is, if you’ll have me, I’d love to be in this for the long haul. I turned my back on hockey once, and I promise I’ll never do it again.

Best,

Tim

 

Mega March Madness Preview

 

March Madness is the best month stretch of the year (even I’d say that the best weekend of sports is the round of 64 and then 32.) I’ve been pretty obsessed with college hoops this year, like watching Summit League games on Wednesday nights, that kind of obsessed. So here’s my preview of the greatest post season in sports.

Midwest Region

Really tough draw for the teams in this region. It is undoubtedly the toughest field of 16 in the tournament. With three teams at the top that were considered one of the best, if not the best team in the country at certain points this season, the Midwest seems to be top-heavy with Louisville, Duke and Michigan State. Any of those three teams would be a favorite in most regions if they didn’t happen to share their bracket with each other.

 

Who wins:

This is a tough region to pick because of the strength at the top but I’ll go with Duke. Duke has proven to be the best team in America when they have a healthy Ryan Kelly. With Kelly, Duke has a third top-flight scorer to go along with All-Americans Mason Plumlee and Seth Curry. Duke doesn’t go very deep but in typical Duke fashion their floor general, Quinn Cook is solid distributor and scorer when he needs to be. Duke is 13-1 in games that Kelly has played and their only loss came to Maryland in the ACC tournament, a game that didn’t mean very much to the Devils and everything to the Terps. With three elite scoring options it’s hard to picture even an elite defensive team like Louisville taking them down.

Who surprises:

If they hadn’t already, the St. Louis Billikens have returned to relevance for the first time since Larry Hughes played there. Odds are SLU plays to seed and falls to a superior Louisville team but they turned in a fantastic year while playing with heavy hearts after the death of coach Rick Majerus. They aren’t going away either with leading scorer and rebounder Dwayne Evans returning next year.

If you haven’t heard of him, you will by the end of the weekend:

Evans, who averaged 21 points and 9 rebounds in the A-10 tournament this past weekend. Also, most NBA scouts have Oklahoma State’s Marcus Smart at the top of their draft board. Smart is an extremely effective combo guard capable of playing the point or the off-guard, a freshman with loads of potential.

West Region

The West region is definitely the most wide-open this year. By my count there are as many six or seven teams who could wind up coming out of this bracket. Gonzaga has been under fire all year for being in a soft conference, now they get to prove it as they sit atop the region. Big Ten tournament champion Ohio State appears to be peaking at the right time by finding secondary scoring options like Aaron Craft, LaQuinton Ross and Sam Thompson to be the Robin to Deshaun Thomas’s Batman. New Mexico won the Mountain West regular season and conference tournament while the Mountain West had probably it’s best season top-to-bottom that it’s ever had. Other teams in the mix are Bo Ryan’s Wisconsin Badgers, Bruce Weber’s Kansas State Wildcats and perennial power Arizona.

So who wins?

Call me crazy but I’m buying Wisconsin and whatever Bo Ryan is selling. Year after year Ryan takes a team that is projected to finish in the middle of the pack in the Big Ten and makes them a contender. The Badgers don’t play pretty basketball, but it’s extremely effective. They almost managed to win the Big Ten tournament, taking Ohio State down to the final minute. They ran through the gauntlet that was the Big Ten this year and came out the other side with wins over Indiana (twice), Michigan (twice), Illinois (twice) and a beating of the Buckeyes in Columbus whom they share a bracket with. They’re deep and every player knows their role, the Badgers are led in scoring by Ben Brust followed closely by Jared Berggren, Ryan Evans and Sam Dekker. Wisconsin’s balance and unique style matches well with this region.

Who Surprises:

Other than the Badgers, I think New Mexico will prove once and for all that they belong. The Lobos will be a tough out. Also, keep an eye on the Belmont Bruins who managed to control a competitive OVC from the start the conference season, if Arizona doesn’t bring their A game, the Bruins, led by OVC co-player of the year Ian Clark, can and will beat them.

Who you probably haven’t heard of but soon will:

New Mexico’s duo of Tony Snell and Kendall Williams (aka the guy who put up 43 points while going 10-13 from three vs. Colorado State this year) are both dynamic scorers who are both going to return for the Lobos next year, making them the favorites to take the Mountain West again. Also keep an eye out for Wisconsin freshman Sam Dekker, he’s probably the most talented on the Badgers’ roster and if they want to make a run, they’re going to need a lot of Dekker.

South Region

The South appears to be a two horse race at least for the time being. The top two seeds of Kansas and Georgetown proved all year that they are among the nation’s best. The Jayhawks are led by their Player of the Year candidate Ben McClemore while the Hoyas have the front-runner for the award in sophomore sensation Otto Porter. The middle of the South looks soft on paper. A slumping Florida team sits in the three spot, although they managed to win the SEC this year, the conference was as down as much as it has been in a decade. The Michigan Wolverines boast another one of college basketball’s best in sophomore guard Trey Burke but their youth and inexperience started to show down the stretch of the season and into the Big Ten tournament. Virginia Commonwealth is an interesting case at five because this might be the most talented team Shaka Smart has had at VCU, and any team coached by Smart is not to be taken lightly this time of year. Unfortunately the narrative seems different this time around, the Rams aren’t sneaking up on anyone this year.

Who wins:

It’s the Jayhawks to lose. If the assumed match up between Kansas and Georgetown comes to fruition, the x-factor might be the secondary players for each team. If McClemore and Porter go at each other, it falls on the supporting casts of each team. Kansas has the edge with potential Defensive Player of the Year, Jeff Withey along with off-guards Elijah Johnson and Travis Releford who have both shown that they are capable of carrying the team when McClemore can’t.

Who surprises:

I’m extremely high on South Dakota State who won the very surprisingly solid Summit League led by one of the best scorers in the nation, Nate Wolters. Wolters was the fourth highest scorer in the NCAA this year, scoring almost 23 a game. The showdown between Wolters and Trey Burke should produce one of the first round’s best games.

Who you don’t know, but soon will:

The three big names in this region are McClemore, Porter and Burke but Nate Wolters and North Carolina’s PJ Hairston might be the unsung heroes of this region. Hairston battled through hand injuries to have a very successful ACC tournament this year for the Heels. He was a very highly touted recruit coming out of high school and if the sophomore is able to by-pass the NBA draft for one more year, he has All-American written all over him next season.

East Region

It seems as if Indiana has been the toast of college basketball for most of the season and for good reason. Cody Zeller and Victor Oladipo are two of the nation’s best and the Hoosiers are probably the favorite to take this region. Unfortunately for the Hoosiers their draw wasn’t ideal, they’ll have to go through teams that play a different brand of basketball than they do. The Miami Hurricanes had a great year and are a great basketball team. The ACC Champs have experience, depth and a boatload of talent. Led by guards Shane Larkin and Durand Scott the Hurricanes are one of the most dangerous teams in the tournament. Kenny Kadji and Julian Gamble are two of the most athletic and agile big men in the country and perhaps more importantly, they play the type of physical defense that has given Cody Zeller trouble this season.

Who wins:

Miami. It seems like an unfair draw for the Hoosiers because they and the ‘Canes may very well be the two most talented teams in the whole field. Miami is coached by one of the best in the business in Jim Larranaga, not to take anything away from Tom Crean, but Larranaga was responsible for one of the best runs in tournament history when he took George Mason to the Final Four. In the end, Indiana has two great players but they’re surrounded with guys who are just solid role players, like Will Sheehey and Jordan Hulls or by young guards like Yogi Ferrell who may not be up to the task of handling the talented, versatile guards of Miami. As Hoosiers fans know all too well, their x-factor is 6-9 senior forward Christian Watford. A player who has all the tools to be a star and shown flashes but has just never put it all together. If Watford has a great tournament, Indiana won’t just be heading to the Final Four, but they’ll be cutting down the nets in Atlanta.

Who Surprises:

UNLV. The Rebels have to get past a Syracuse team that is looking to bounce back from a thumping administered by Louisville, but if the Runnin’ Rebs can manage to get by the Orange, they pose a really interesting matchup for Indiana. Coming out of the aforementioned Mountain West, UNLV has the best player you’ve probably never heard of in freshman forward Anthony Bennett. Bennett, a projected lottery pick has been the anchor for the Rebels all season and is just the type of player that could really bother Cody Zeller and the Indiana offense if he gets the chance.

Who you haven’t heard of yet, but soon will:

 —-

Finally, who takes it all?

I think Duke cuts down the nets. Their diversity on offense is too much for any team to stop. They can beat you in a variety of different ways and are (vomit) coached by one of the best of all time. I think it’s the Dukies. AMERICA ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!

So there it is. The mega-preview. Odds are I’ll be tearing my bracket up by the third day just like most people but at least you’ll have a little knowledge to fill the dead air as you watch your 7,535^th Buffalo Wild Wings commercial of the day.

-Madness,

Tim

The Derrick Dilemma

As recently as two weeks ago optimism and hope radiated for the Bulls. The team was managing to stay afloat and Derrick Rose looked ready for his comeback. Fast forward to last night; the Bulls suffered their worst loss of the Thibodeau era to the pedestrian Sacramento Kings. The loss came on the heels of a Derrick Rose press conference that had all the enthusiasm of a eulogy. Rose admitted that physically, he is ready to play, but he isn’t mentally ready to return to competitive basketball. As the days drag on, the losses pile up and the doubt continues to creep in, the worst case scenario regarding Derrick Rose and the 2012-2013 Bulls is starting to appear like the most logical and likely, even if it is the most disappointing. It’s time to shut down Derrick Rose and start fresh next year.

 

The problem is bigger than just Rose, it starts with the team that is actually taking the floor night in and night out for the Bulls. The bubble appears to have burst on this team that was managing to play pretty good basketball for the majority of the season. The injuries and minutes have started to pile up leading to the poorest stretch of basketball for the Bulls since Derrick Rose was starring at Memphis. The team has battled to keep their collective head above water but the grind of the NBA season is finally starting to catch up to the depleted Bulls. Offensively they look like a team that is missing their best player, Carlos Boozer has come back down to Earth after a hot start while Joakim Noah and Luol Deng have both obviously lost a step after logging 40-plus minutes a game, every game. The Rose injury aside, the Bulls have been hit hard all year by the injury bug. Kirk Hinrich has been in and out all year; Taj Gibson has missed a significant amount of time while Noah, Deng and Boozer have played through injuries that have affected their respective games.

No one is questioning Derrick Rose’s toughness. He has worked his way back and according to other athletes who have dealt with similar injuries, the mental aspect of rehab is the hardest. Getting over that final hump of being able to play without fear, fear of getting hurt again or fear of not being able to perform like you used to, that’s all part of the deal. That’s where Derrick Rose finds himself. Fine, but if that is the case like Derrick has said then the stretch run in a hotly contested playoff race doesn’t seem like the ideal place to regain confidence, not to mention a looming playoff series against the Heat, the Pacers or the Knicks. I’m not sure it does Derrick Rose any favors by throwing him to the wolves by starting his comeback under constant pressure to win against LeBron, Carmelo or the staunch Pacers’ defense.

Maybe even more important than Derrick Rose’s state of mind is the state of mind of the team that is actually taking the floor. One way or another the Derrick Rose “Will He/Won’t He” circus has to come to an end. Derrick, Thibodeau and the rest of the Bulls can keep spouting the company line, saying that this story hasn’t been a distraction but any half-brained fan can see that it obviously has been, how can it not be? It’s time to focus the attention on the 2012-2013 Bulls and put an end to the Rose saga, these guys have played all year and they deserve to answer questions about upcoming games or the playoff chase rather than 100 questions about Derrick Rose every night. The Bulls front office and Rose owe it to the rest of the Bulls to provide some finality to the situation so they can focus on the task at hand. This team may not be championship caliber but they deserve a chance to play out this season without the huge Rose cloud hanging over them.

So what about Derrick? Sit him the rest of the season, let him keep playing pick-up games, and chalk this year up as a valiant effort but ultimately a lost season? Unfortunately, yeah that looks like it would be the smart play at this point. Let Derrick Rose work back at his own pace, get the microphones out of his face for awhile, let him come back at a legit 100% rather than 85-90% he would be this season. In the long run it benefits everyone in the organization if Rose’s first game action comes in the summer league this offseason, rather than attempting to battle the best of the Eastern Conference at less than full strength.

The reality is that no one is beating the Miami Heat this year; at least in the East, if someone does it will be an upset of USA/USSR proportions (and only the Spurs have a chance in the West, the Heat match up with the Thunder too well) so rushing Derrick back would be a risk to maybe win a playoff series. There isn’t enough reward to be had for the amount of risk being taken by all the parties involved. The idea of shutting down Derrick Rose is enough to make Bulls’ fans sick, I get it but at this point it would be a forced comeback in an attempt to save a season that can’t be saved. It’s a frustrating and disappointing way for this season to come to a close but keeping Rose on the sideline is by far the smartest play for the long-term future of the Bulls.

Return Date: TBD,

Tim

Katie Valentine’s Day Survival Guide



Valentine’s day is coming up, which means three things. 

One, couples who are together and in love will go do something lame and romantic, while all their friends make fun of them behind their back. I hate those people. We get it. You’re in a happy, committed relationship. Go away. I don’t care what your plans for Valentine’s Day are but you know what I am looking forward to? You two dickheads getting married too young, spending a few extremely unhappy years together, then separating and never seeing each other again. But by all means enjoy your cute little date next week.



 

Two, people who don’t have anybody on Valentine’s day will pretend that they don’t care by putting things on facebook/twitter like “All I need are my main bitches #girlsnight” but secretly they’re going to be watching “The Notebook” six times in a row while going two knuckles deep thinking about Ryan Gosling. There are also those people who say things like “It’s a Hallmark holiday, I’m not dropping money on a fake holiday” it’s usually guys that say things like that and it translates to “I really wish I had a girl to spend money on, maybe if I act like I don’t care people will think I’m a badass and not some guy whose going to spend Valentine’s day in a dark room pawing at himself to the video on his computer screen.”



 

Three, this is the best group. People who are kind of with someone but they have no idea how to treat this holiday. They may have just started hooking up, or talking or just hanging out with each other but I guarantee at this moment there are thousands of people who are panicked by their Valentine’s situation. What are the options? Well for guys they can take the risk of buying a girl flowers, but just beware that carries the risk of either an awkward “thank you” followed by a week of silence or a relationship talk. Equally terrible. Guys could also go the other route and not get anything for their main squeeze, but just keep in mind if you’re putting it to a girl and then you shut her out on Valentine’s day you can pretty much bet you won’t spend another night with her. But for most guys that’s no big deal because as long as it has a heartbeat and a vagina, they’ll usually have sex with it (sometimes the heartbeat is optional.)
Pretty much every person will fall into one of those three categories, so I hope I’ve shed some light on your own personal Valentine’s Day situation, I’m here to help. As for me I hate Valentine’s Day, it sucks, I’m going to rent The Notebook and buy some batteries.



 

Deuces,

Katie

Halfway Home: A Bulls Check-In

The Return is close. Very close. Derrick Rose is projected to make his comeback pretty soon after the All-Star break; the rumors put it somewhere between February 19^th in New Orleans and the 28^th at the United Center against the 76ers (how meta.) Great, but what then? Those expecting Derrick Rose to come back and immediately be the player he was will be sorely disappointed. It’s going to take some time; luckily the Bulls seem to have that luxury right now. The goal for this team is to win the division, avoiding a potential second round match up with the Heat but instead putting that off until the Conference Finals where anything is possible. The Knicks have been very good this year but The Bulls are 3-0 versus New York this year with Luol Deng and Jimmy Butler looking like Carmelo’s kryptonite. 

The current roster has done a fantastic job of holding down the fort while waiting for Rose and they’ve done it with defense and rebounding. That’s the Bulls’ identity and it needs to remain that way if they have any chance of competing in the East for the next few years.

The defensive versatility is what has kept them competitive. Joakim Noah has arrived as a top-notch center, who is able to protect his less skilled teammates. Carlos Boozer has benefitted a great deal from having Noah and Taj Gibson, another excellent defensive big man backing him up. It’s no mystery why Boozer has enjoyed his best season as a Bull this year. He’s never been a defender, he’s a scorer and with the defensive support he’s received his year has freed him up to do what he does best.

Along with the presence on the front line, the perimeter defense has been solid as well. Luol Deng is the stopper for the Bulls, he defends the other team’s best player night in and night out and he’s one of the best in the business at it. The emergence of Jimmy Butler as the Bulls’ second defensive weapon has been a much-needed lift. He can defend three positions and is starting to come around as a scorer and his coming of age has the NBA buzzing. Despite the buzz he’s probably still a year or two away from becoming anywhere close to the type of scorer that Deng is, so expecting him to be a consistent secondary option behind the trio of Rose/Deng/Boozer is probably a little premature. His minutes will drop once the postseason hits but having a capable defender to back up Deng is something the Bulls haven’t had the last two years. Having Butler be able to pick up 10-15 minutes a game makes Luol Deng infinitely more valuable.

The internet has been buzzing about a potential Kevin Love to the Bulls trade for months now, but that seems a little far-fetched. Adding Love changes the dynamic of the Bulls’ team. Derrick Rose isn’t a very good defender; it’s Chicago’s dirty little secret. Tom Thibodeau has been able to effectively hide Rose on defense since his arrival, a development that has drastically changed the trajectory of Rose’s career. While his defense is improving, his athleticism and quickness can only make up for so much.

With Rose on the floor, the big men become much more important. Having agile forwards and centers who are capable of defending the pick and roll while consistently guarding on the perimeter is what makes Rose more competent on the defensive end. By adding Love, the Bulls would be adding a second defensive liability and that might be too much to cover up. Kevin Love is undoubtedly one of the two or three best scoring forwards in basketball but abandoning their defensive identity in favor of an arms race with the Heat seems foolish. First of all because run and gun is not the way Thibodeau operates and attempting to out gun the Heat is not a smart idea. They have three of the best 15 players in the NBA and not to mention the best basketball player in the world. The only way to topple the Heat is by being different and attacking their weaknesses, trying to match their strength is a battle that can’t be won.

With all that said, I’m not sure beating the Heat is a realistic goal this season. Competing with them should be, but without a full strength Derrick Rose (and despite all the positive reports, he won’t be 100% at any point this season) taking down the defending champs this year is a stretch. The Bulls currently sit one half game behind the Pacers for the division lead, which is a much more realistic goal.

The Pacers beat a depleted Bulls team last week and exploited what is actually the team’s biggest weakness this year. Despite the three front line players being excellent, the lack of depth is a concern. Without Omer Asik, Thibodeau is left without a solid fourth option like they had last year. Adding an effective post player to spell Noah, Boozer and Gibson is a much more pressing need than adding another star like Kevin Love. The Bulls are already adding one star in the very near future, and with this team’s trademark defense and depth, they’re very capable of competing with anyone. So The Return is imminent and while a full on pursuit of a title might be too ambitious for this team, the red and black remain a team that no one else wants to deal with come playoff time.

 See Red,

 Tim

The God, The Bad and The Ugly

I’ve been thinking a lot about my faith lately or I guess I would say lack thereof. As I do with most things that I’m curious about, I’ve completely immersed myself in reading different schools of thought on the concept of “God” and things of the like. I’ve felt similarly about religion for most of my adult life, sure I’ve explored other options but I keep coming back to the same conclusion. I’m an atheist. After educating myself as much as possible on the topic, I keep coming back to that idea. So first things first, let me clarify what it means to be an atheist because that word tends to evoke a pretty visceral reaction in people.

I believe that the universe is so unbelievably; incomprehensibly big that the idea that one all-knowing, all-powerful being is in charge of it all seems a little far-fetched for me. I think for me personally, I’ve found enough proof to justify the things I believe, whether other people feel the same way isn’t something I can control or something I care about.

The problem with that school of thought is it’s dismissed as “evil” and “sinful” by a lot of those who choose to believe in the divine, that not believing in a God means I’m free to do whatever I want without fear of reprisal. Which I guess is true in a sense, but I don’t need the threat of a higher being to discourage me from killing the annoying kid in class, that’s not really how it works. I’m just another face in the crowd, trying to do the best that I can, I choose to be a decent enough person just because. So I’m going to try to clear up a few misconceptions about this way of thinking that me and many other subscribe to.

First of all, atheists are not monsters, sinners, or demons. We are people who have a certain perspective on the world and choose to live our lives accordingly, just like any other person. Atheists have a stigma about them that they tend to carry themselves with arrogance. That they know better than you and anyone who believes in a god is “stupid.” Granted, there are definitely atheists like that, but every faction of human beings has people like that. A favorite line of smug atheists is “Um I believe in science and logic.” That alone is supposed to set them on some sort of soapbox because they’re smart enough to read Richard Dawkins twitter. Atheism is a great outlet for a lot of faux-intellectuals who just love to bait religious types into getting involved in snarky, pointless arguments. That’s not who I am, if your religion gives you comfort, who am I or anyone else to take that away. I don’t know the answer to any of the big questions in life, no one does, so for anyone to act like they do is the epitome of stupidity and ignorance. Atheism is often equated to being soulless and loveless. Nothing is farther from the truth. I love my mom, I love my dog, I love the Chicago Cubs, I love my friends, I love lamp. I just choose to not love a god.

Religion scares me, but I also see it’s appeal. There are people in the world who choose to live their life by a strict religious code who help feed the hungry, treat the sick and right the wrongs of the world. Certain people operate this way because they believe the teachings of Jesus, Allah, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so regardless of whether or not there is actually a man sitting on a cloud with a long beard judging our every move, isn’t the point. The point is that if the idea of a God exists in people’s heart and shapes the world for the better, that makes it as real as anything else, tangible or otherwise. That’s the good thing about having faith, if it makes humans better people, that’s the idea.

Unfortunately, there is another segment of the population who feel that they have a moral obligation to force their beliefs on the world. That they alone hold the answers, and everyone else lives in a cesspool of sin and debauchery. Religion doesn’t justify being an asshole. That’s about the simplest way I can put it. People hide behind their faith and commit atrocities under the guise of serving a God. No religion justifies walking into a shopping mall and blowing yourself up, no religion justifies demonizing an entire group of people because they choose to love someone with the same set of sexual organs. Anything can be twisted into gospel if you try hard enough, there has to be a line between faith and logic that allows for everyone to have a life they want. Going to a church every Sunday or a temple on Friday or kneeling in the direction of Mecca or quoting statistics about evolution doesn’t grant anyone the freedom to hate other people because they think differently.

There is no moral high ground. There is no person more educated than another (in this case at least), and there is no one who has the right to tell you how to feel or what to believe. If God gives your life meaning and provides you with a set of beliefs on which you can base your actions around, great. Hold on to that, cherish that. I will hold on to what I believe as you do. There’s no need for people to think of atheists as bad people, because most of us aren’t, we’re just people who think differently than you and that’s not a bad thing. There’s room for every type.

In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Goat,

Tim

Katie’s Hidden Talent Survival Guide

Sup homies, sorry I’ve been off my blog game lately, I’ve been swamped with paper work and I’ve been having all kinds of logistical issues. By that of course, I mean I’ve been re-watching all my Grey’s Anatomy DVD’s. I wanted to see if I could ever get a good look at McSteamy’s dong as it flopped around in his scrubs, no dice. Salty. Anywhoodles, I started to get thumb cramps by about the 5^th episode because I was tapping the “slow motion” button too much and I had to reassess my life. I couldn’t just sit around all day hoping to catch a glimpse of male cameltoe, I needed to do something with my life. Being a blogging sensation wasn’t enough, Katie for President!

I’m a smart, talented girl with a lot going for her, I can be whatever I want to be! On the real though, I have talent coming out my ears (and other orifices), but unfortunately most of my talents aren’t what society deems as “acceptable.” I can hold my own beer bong, but I can’t put that on a resume. I once puked up a shot into my cupped hands and didn’t spill a drop on the way to the sink, but that can’t be part of my platform for governor. For whatever reason ya girl has an abundance of skill in things that should probably be kept in private, that’s unfortunate, but like that old black singer who died said, I WILL SURVIVE.

First off, you might have a talent that is just straight up socially unacceptable. It doesn’t matter how funny or accurate it is, there are certain things you just can’t share with the general public. For instance, I can rap Snoop Dogg (Lion?) and Dr. Dre’s “Ain’t Nothin’ But a G Thang”PERFECTLY. Like flawlessly, with the accurate gangsta twang and all sound effects included. Unfortunately, no one else will ever see it, for a couple of reasons. First of all it contains gratuitous use of the n-word. So watching a scrawny white girl get funky on the mic like an old batch of collard greens would probably be offensive. Secondly, I can’t think of a scenario when I’d be called upon to perform such a task. Maybe I’m drunk at a rap show so I bum rush the stage and start spitting, hoping the crowd will embrace me like a female Eminem, at least that’s how I imagine it in front of my mirror. That’s a bummer, and Snoop dee oh double isn’t the only flow I vibe to, the world is missing out on Katie versions of “Colt 45” “I Put On” and “Country Grammar” too. Maybe I was a rapper in a past life, it would explain a lot, my extensive vocabulary, my desire to change lanes without signaling, my big ass, hmm. Moving on…

Now ya girl is never one to kiss and tell (because I’m usually too drunk to remember) but my sex moves are another area in which I feel like I shine. Let me stop right here and make one thing very clear, bragging about being good at sex usually means you suck at it. Just like faking orgasms the louder the girl is about it, the worse she probably is. I understand this, but I have references. Seriously, don’t take this away from me. But the thing is, you can’t advertise that you’re a minx in the sack, people are too stuck up. This one time, me and my man meat were going at it in his car while we were waiting to pick up his little brother from daycare and the other parents were completely uncool about the whole thing. The guy who came and tapped on the window was a little unreasonable, I think he was trying to hide his chubwagon from his wife (holla at me DILF). Then the kids were all like “mommy, why is his pee pee all pointy?” Total narcs. If the children are our future then the future is going to be filled with snitches. Now because of uptight prudes (and a judge’s ruling) I can’t advertise, my only option is to show off my arsenal of sexual maneuvers in a dark bedroom, on top of a dirty mattress? Unacceptable.

So to recap, I am not going to be elected to public office because attempting to connect with my musical roots would be deemed racially insensitive, being “the drunkest girl at the party” isn’t going to get me into law school (but a surprising amount of stranger’s cars) and I’m no longer allowed within 100 feet of a school simply because I’m a sexual dynamo. Being talented is so fucking overrated. Where’s my remote?

Secretly skilled,

Katie

The Best of the Irish

So ND football heads to the National Championship game for the first time after their win over USC, but the common refrain is that Notre Dame is overrated and they’re doing it with smoke and mirrors. The sentiment seems like it’s lingering even after the Irish have jumped through all the hoops, Notre Dame still have no business in the game. Here’s the question though, what if Notre Dame really is this good?

Notre Dame is probably the most high profile football program in America, with it’s exclusive deal with NBC, Touchdown Jesus and Knute Rockne pedigree. With that amount of exposure is bound to come some opposition or, as the kids would say “haters” but some college football fans don’t like Notre Dame because they share a history with the Irish. Navy, Michigan, USC all have Notre Dame circled on their schedule. Along with the Big 10’s quiet distain for the fact that Notre Dame plucks athletes away while rebuffing the conference’s efforts to get ND to join their little club. So there’s reason for a certain amount of animosity for the Irish, but if that’s put aside and the 2012 team is looked at through a different lens, what if this actually is the best football team in America?

The arguments against the Irish are plentiful. First, it’s that they don’t play a conference championship game. Fair point, and it would have been an issue had any other team gone into their conference championship game undefeated. That would have been the only real way to take issue with Notre Dame skirting a championship game. Is it ideal? No, but that’s the way it is, so arguing against it seems kind of pointless. Otherwise, Notre Dame did what no other team was able to do in the regular season, which has to be worth something.

Other critics say that Notre Dame plays a softer schedule because of their independent status. The obvious example is that any team from the SEC has a much tougher road because of the week in, week out grind that is SEC football. So I guess you have to look at the schedules a little closer. The Irish have quality wins over Stanford who finished 10-2 and plays for the conference championship next week. They traveled to Norman beat a quality Oklahoma team who finished 9-2 in a Big 12 Conference that quietly had a very solid year, with all but one team finishing bowl eligible.

The Cardinal and the Sooners are the jewels of the Irish’s resume, but outside of their two signature wins they still have five more wins against bowl eligible teams which included trips to East Lansing and the Coliseum in Los Angeles.  Some of the criticism comes due to the Irish’s perceived “soft finish.” Their last four games were against teams with a combined record of 19-28, which was lowlighted by a complete mess of a game against Pittsburgh in South Bend, a game in which they definitely got outplayed and probably deserved to lose. Not a pretty game for the Irish but it was also off the heels of a tough game in Oklahoma, and the bottom line is that they won the game. There’s no denying the argument for the soft finish, it’s there, just look at the numbers, but keep in mind the guys that put together Notre Dame’s schedule aren’t dummies. There is an undoubted advantage to having the flexibility that the Irish do in regards to their schedule, and the way it’s structured. So when perennial powerhouse USC sits at the bottom of the schedule, strategically placing lesser programs in the weeks leading up to the showdown with the Trojans just seems logical. It’s tough to fault the Irish for the disappointing year that Lane Kiffin’s team had.

So that takes us back to the SEC, a conference that for the past decade has been playing chess while the rest of the NCAA played checkers.  This year was no different as the SEC regularly dominated the top 10 polls. However, that doesn’t automatically mean every team from the conference has the edge over ND. Alabama and Georgia play next weekend in what looks to be a de facto semi final game. Alabama and Georgia are the next in line, but that doesn’t mean they’re without flaws either.

Alabama beat a very good LSU team in a rematch from last year’s National Championship, a definite quality win. But the rest of their schedule leaves something to be desired in terms of wins and strength in general. The Tide benefitted from the unusually weak bottom half of the conference this year. Auburn, Arkansas and Tennessee all have programs that are in shambles, while Missouri seemed overmatched in their first year in the SEC. Not to mention the loss to Johnny Manziel and Texas A&M.

Despite having one of the country’s finest on each side of the ball in Jarvis Jones and Aaron Murray, the Dawgs look pretty similar to Alabama on paper. With a signature win over Florida and a loss to a solid South Carolina team, they too feasted on the weak of the SEC plus a beat down of Kentucky, a program who seems more interested in when basketball season starts. The SEC was deceptively weak this year and the best resume doesn’t belong to the Tide or the Bulldogs, that would be Florida, a team that isn’t even in the discussion.

But the games aren’t played on paper; fortunately for the Irish they’re pretty darn good on the football field also. Offensively, the running game anchors the unit. Seniors Theo Riddick and Cierre Wood split the backfield duties and have combined for over 1,400 yards. The two running backs are supplemented on the ground by sophomore quarterback Everett Golson, who has truly blossomed as the leader of the offense. Presumed to be the weak link all year, Golson continues to play the role of good (admittedly not great) quarterback with over 2,000 total yards and 16 touchdowns. With the help of a skilled offensive line and All American Tyler Eifert at tight end the Irish offensive unit is more than enough to compliment the top-flight defense. The much-heralded unit commanded by Heisman candidate Manti Te’o creates turnovers better than almost any team in the country. This defense is the Irish’s meal ticket and will have to carry them if they intend to raise the Coaches Trophy.

The most recognizable program on the planet is back on the biggest stage in the sport. The Irish are relevant for the first time since Brady Quinn and elite for the first time since Tim Brown, they’re in uncharted territory. But don’t let the past make the presents’ argument. This Notre Dame team is for real; they’ve proven it on the field while compiling a top-notch body of work. While the Irish sit back to watch Alabama and Georgia fight for the right to meet them in Miami, the Fighting Irish will still have to answer questions about whether or not they’re the best, but here’s the thing… they just might be.